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How do you handle these situations?
- Your best friend lives from one financial crisis to another. She asks you to loan her some money for groceries “just until payday”.
- Your 18 year old nephew who works sporadically and has never saved a penny begs you to co-sign a loan so he can buy his very first car.
- A relative wants to borrow your car “for a few days” while his is in the shop. This is the third time he has made this request in the past three months.
Are you OK with saying “no” or do you acquiesce with a nagging regret in your gut? Do you wish you could say “no” when you need to?
These five reasons should help: [click to continue…]
- Marti had begun to see a pattern in her life. In her words, “When someone needs four hours with me, I can’t say no. But when I need someone for ten minutes, I can’t ask for help. Is there a computer chip in my brain I could replace?”
- Jim had never been able to say no to anyone, especially his supervisors at work. He had moved up to the position of operations manager in a large firm. His dependability had earned him the reputation of “Mr. Can Do”. But his kids had another name for him: “the Phantom”. Jim was never home. Being “Mr. Can Do” meant late nights at the office, business dinners several nights a week and weekends on the road even after he had promised the kids fishing trips and trips to the zoo.
Saying "no" can establish healthy boundaries. The inability to say "no" removes those boundaries.
In their classic book “Boundaries”, Doctors Henry Cloud and John Townsend explain various boundary problems people experience. One such problem is that of “Compliants”, who say yes to bad things because they haven’t learned how to say no or even that it’s OK to say no. Marti and Jim are examples of compliants. Because they don’t know how to say no, they do not establish healthy relational boundaries.
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